(drop downs)
The Test of Becoming
If you're like me, and like countless others trying to do life right,
you don’t always doubt yourself.
You doubt what could happen.
"What if Allah doesn't want this for me?”
"What if I’m building something not written for me?”
"What if I’m walking toward a future He never planned?”
That’s not insecurity. That’s the test.
“Do people think they will be left to say: ‘We believe,’ and not be tested?”
(Al-Ankabut 29:2)
As life went on, we've started to treat God like a vending machine.
Put in a few prayers, and expect the reward right after.
That's how the idea of Manifestation works right?
"Fake it till you make it"
"Live like it, act like it, and it's yours."
However, no matter how many successful people believe in "speaking something into existence,"
they also know that nothing is achieved without work.
You simply can not speak something into existence, without putting in the work.
In (Ar-Ra'd 13:11), Allah swt himself says,
"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves."
Even in the Bible,
(James 4:10)
"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up."
Muslim, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Atheist, whatever you are, the universal belief is the same.
If you want to achieve something, then you must first change yourself, for the better.
If you sincerely change for good, and put the work in, then nothing can stop what's meant to be yours, to actually BECOMING yours.
It took me a while to understand that, it still does.
"How do I actually trust that with my heart?"
"What if it just doesn't work out?"
But that's when belief and trust in God come into play.
This is the dark we talk about when we say "trusting through the light and the dark."
That doubt of being successful? Getting to your goals?
That voice in your head: "What if it doesn't work out?"
But what if it does?
What if it works out, and not only that, what if it changes your life?
You wouldn't lose anything if you tried, and failed.
If you fail, you gain the experience and the knowledge.
But if it works out?
You gain everything.
The Burden of Becoming
I often find myself sitting in my apartment bedroom late at night, after everyone's asleep,
absentmindedly zoning out while staring at my laptop screen.
My hood's drawstrings tightened halfway around my head,
the comforting contrast of the ambience in my room,
and music playing in my ears, at a low volume.
And I sit there, lost in a void of thoughts.
Regrets from what I failed to do.
Plans and Accomplishments for the next day.
Imagining myself living my Dream Life.
Thinking about different ways I could put the work in.
________________________
I catch myself thinking long-term too much.
What happens if I do this and this tomorrow?
Will it get me closer to my accomplishment?
Should I get started on this and focus on both?
Should I quit this for now, and come back to it?
Should I go offline and live life as it is, without an online presence?
Should I showcase my life?
Nobody would care,
but what if I could help at least one person out of a thousand?
________________________
Maybe these thoughts aren't mine alone.
These are thoughts of any ambitious person.
God wakes the ones he loves,
especially in the quiet hours,
to reflect, repent, and rebuild.
I scroll through my goals and visions like tabs on a browser.
Each one asking for a different part of me.
But I'm just one person,
trying to live five futures at once.
Some people enter your life quietly,
not to change everything,
but to remind you of what you should never change.
They carry a calm that steadies you,
a clarity that makes you think before you speak,
a kind of modesty that teaches without words.
They're not loud, but they're not distant.
They leave that effect on you where even if they're far, they feel close.
That person didn't need words, nor actions, just presence.
It was the way they carried themself that reminded me what dignity and haya looks like.
And being around that kind of presence..?
It makes you check yourself.
Your words.
Your tone.
Your intention.
I thought I was doing well,
but even the shortest moments with that presence showed me there was more to honor.
Not just my actions, but my gaze, my words, my mind.
It showed me that there was more,
more for me to become,
more for me to learn,
more for me to achieve.
It reminded me to move with intention,
to speak with thought,
to act with care.
Not for anyone else,
not for recognition,
but because the smallest presence can quietly guide you toward who you want to be.
And sometimes, that's enough..
Enough to see a reflection of the man you're striving to become,
without words, without actions,
just through the quiet weight of someone's presence.